heart rant

This past week, I’ve been meditating on Psalm 119:37… “Turn my eyes from looking at what is worthless; give me life in your ways.”

With the new year, most people are making new year resolutions. It’s not something I really do, but mostly, I simply want to complete things I have left uncompleted. Like my year long Bible reading plan, which has turned into a 3 year and 1 month plan (if I finish it this month). I have recognized bad habits that I have formed throughout the years, and it’s something I would like to get rid of. Not because it will make be a better person, but it will help me eliminate the extra noise in my life, and allow to run the race of faith without extra baggage. I need a clear vision of God if I want my joy to be great, and really, who doesn’t want great joy?! Thus, out with all things that hinder that.

I started last week, and kicked one bad habit to the curb for the week (at least for now, but I’m praying I keep it up). This week I said, “No looking at people.com.” My first two are just brain/heart numbing things I do to fill time, but I ought to be filling my time with things that actually fill my soul.

The verse really rebuked my heart because I can see how mentally, spiritually, and emotionally exhausted I can get at the end of the day, and mostly it’s because all day long I’ve been trying to find life in my ways. Maybe using those useless time things mentioned above to fill time, or fighting God for control over what I want to happen in the day, or just spending time coveting over useless things. I think my ways make me happy, but really, it’s an unsatisfying bottomless pit. I’m praying that my heart is free from the bondage of futile things, so that I can connect the dots of what I do daily to God’s glory. Sunday’s evening sermon was such a rebuke to my heart and emphasized things the Bible had been pointing out to me from the previous week.

Other things I jotted down from Sunday evening…
- trials are like glasses to see God
- trials are about your joy in God
- trials are part of a bigger order, and during it, it’s our emotions going haywire (not God’s control of it)
- life is made up of lots of small and big trials, and I need to see and enjoy God in and through all of it
- 1 Thessalonians “and in everything, give thanks!”

Christ died so I don’t have to fight for my way any longer, but surrender in realization that His way is THE way. I want life, and life abundant, so I’m praying… Dear Jesus, give me life in your ways, so help me to get rid of the things that hinder that, and to let go of my desire for control.

It’s been awhile since I shared a heart rant here, but I hope the things God has been revealing to me helps you see and savor God more.

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20 Responses to “heart rant”

  1. Good Morning,
    Thank you so much first for not being afraid to say God or Jesus. Most people keep it PC but you are open about your faith. This year is one for me to cut out useless mind numbing things as well BUT I will continue to come to your fun space filled with Faith and Family. Thank you! THANK YOU! I love your blog and your little family. God bless you

  2. Kim J. says:

    Beautifully said … I am right there with you, sister! Kicked people.com to the curb at the first of the year, and much happier for it. (I do miss that “Royals” tab, but perhaps there is a kinder outlet for news of George and Charlotte. ;)

    We studied Jeremiah 2:13 awhile back, and it has provided a lasting picture for me: “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.” How many times a day to I try to draw water from broken cisterns! Good grief!

  3. Laura says:

    I love a good heart rant, Rubyellen! I, too, am on this tough trek to living the abundant life Christ died to give us, but we often mess up along the way. Thanks for your words. Truly. Thanks.

  4. Sarah says:

    Rubyellen – I love a good heart rant! I’ll tell you, I’ve felt a deep pull to the sacred, to understand God more deeply, and His overflowing joy is just one wonderful reason why. I find myself struggling to know how to proceed and your post and scriptures are inspiring to me. Here’s to a year pursuing Him more deeply, finding His ways of life. Thank you!

  5. Amy says:

    So appreciate this! I got married this year and am already realizing how precious time really is… with work, meal prep, errands, and other life things I guard our every other week date nights carefully! If only I could take them same view of my precious time with God… thankful he is gracious and loves me so much despite my failing to do so.

  6. Kim says:

    I love this. I was just laying in bed last night telling myself that I will never look at my phone before I go to bed ever again. I just waist precious sleep time. I listened to Fr Mike Schmidt talk about how important it is that we sleep and like children we find it hard as adults to go to sleep and to feed ourselves. Proclaim Jesus and Trust in Him. Always. God bless you.

    • Rubyellen says:

      That phone in bed is a hard habit to kick. I haven’t added it to my list yet, but hopefully, I’ll get there. Taking it week by week of kicking things to the curb.

  7. Evelyn says:

    Hi Rubyellen! Evelyn here, we met back in Singapore some years ago. :) I think this is the first comment I’ve left here after following you for all these years, but just wanted to say hi and let you know I’m still reading you! Celeb news was my guilty pleasure too (my weaknesses were/are blogs like laineygossip)–especially during work-heavy periods, where I justified it by thinking to myself that I needed to wind down with something light. I also had a Pokemon phase, although that was thankfully brief. I’ve since made a conscious effort to switch to more meaningful reads and apps. It does make a difference!

    • Rubyellen says:

      Of course, I remember you! It’s so easy to numb ourselves with useless things. It takes more effort to invest in meaningful things. It’s a goal for this year!

  8. Mieke says:

    Hi, thank you for sharing this! I think it’s amazing to see how God works. He is showing you things that I (who lives in the Netherlands) really needed to hear at this moment!

  9. Margaret says:

    It is funny……I often look at people.com too, when I am tired and overwhelmed.
    It doesn’t feel nourishing to me…..but sometimes I just feel like I need to turn my brain off!
    But it ends up sucking me in and I lose precious time.
    So I have been wanting to give it up, too.
    It is helpful to see someone else has made the same exact goal!
    I hope we will both succeed in finding more nourishing ways to unwind.

  10. I think it is good to be able to go to God with the things that you feel you may be failing at and for Him to just gently let you know that He loves you and knows you and wants us to know Him more deeply too.

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