This week has felt like one jumbled mess! Between getting our bathrooms remodeled (everything downstairs feels gritty), the joys and chaos of mothering, lots of homeschooling lessons, Ben working lots of late nights, and the added stress of getting True ready for her first round of standardized state testing has put me on edge. Especially that bit about state testing.
One thing I love about homeschooling is that we don’t really have to teach to the test, but at the same time, I want to make sure she’s equipped to navigate it. I’m sure the reading and writing will be a cake walk for her, but math isn’t her strength. Also, I’ve seen the Common Core way of asking questions, and it’s pretty sneaky (sometimes I’m not even sure what they’re asking). We’ve been spending extra time doing math activities and worksheets in preparation for it. In regards to all the other school stuff though, we are almost done for the year. Hurray!
Tuesday was a particularly rough day (f-bombs included), by the end of it, I was no longer talking to the children, just yelling. Is this the story of my life or what?! I shared a little about it here too. I could feel a lot of anger and crankiness in my heart, so I started texting some friends (and my own mom) to pray for me. They lovingly pointed me back to Jesus, and reminded me that my desire to control is exactly what put Jesus on the cross, and only through Him am I set free from my own desires. I needed to hear that truth. I was just exhausted, and it’s okay to be exhausted because it’s normal. It’s just that my heart needed that rebuke and reminder, and that’s why community is so important! We weren’t meant to navigate our lives alone; everyone needs their own village, and I’m thankful for the one we are part of.
Did you know I get scared to share these parts of me here? But it helps me think through things when I write it out, and while we all know we probably aren’t alone in feeling the things we go through, it’s nice to read someone else going through it too. It’s kind of validation that we are all in this together.
Blogs started off as this grand community of sharing and has grown into a full on business for a lot of people, and now it’s mostly about consuming. I’m personally very thankful for the opportunities that have come from it, but now these once personal (and encouraging) spaces can feel a bit too commercial. I’m not saying it’s wrong to take part in sponsored posts and work with brands (I do it!), but blogging is just a different game now. Despite how its evolved, I still love that this is a place where I can share what I’m learning in this stage of my life, ultimately, this space is still very much me! And honestly, I’ve said this before, and I hope I don’t sound like a broken record, but I’m very thankful for all of you who do take the time to read here (or on instagram). The tidbits and encouragement you do share really mean a great deal. Sometimes after I hit publish on a post like this, I worry if I said too much. Then I remember, it’s not good being a people pleaser, and there’s no harm in thoughtfully saying what’s in my heart. It really is my hope and prayer that the stories I share here stir your heart towards grace (and that you’d learn from my mistakes!).