It’s funny that someone noticed the drawing on the wall in this post. My walls may appear to be clean, white walls, but I must confess, if you look closely (or came over!), you’d see that there truly are evidences of 4 kids living here. This photo above shows True’s first mural work she did at age 3. It was done in marker, has faded over time, and obviously, we have never attempted to take it off. The dark marks (on the wall and carpet!) are one of Soul’s most recent abstract drawings. Her medium of choice? My lipstick. You can imagine how pissed off I was when I discovered their artwork (and I choose to use that word instead of mad because that probably accurately describes my feelings at that time). Thankfully, I can look back and laugh at it now. I miss True at age 3, and one day I’ll miss Soul at age 3 too.
Most of my week has been lived without the girls home. The two big girls went to stay with my BFF on Tuesday until Thursday, the two babies went to my to stay with my parents. Then on Thursday, all the girls ended up at my mom and dad’s house. I had something that I needed to take care of that required focus and not having to take care of anyone else, so off they went. It was strangely silent all week long. I didn’t even play music. During lunch, I would eat while watching a show on Netflix, but then I would resume my work in silence. I was relishing the silence.
Is it weird to say I liked the silence? I missed the girls, but it was nice to have some peace and quiet. As a mom, I kind of feel guilty saying that. I’m with the girls pretty much all the time and while it’s my choice to stay home and I do love it (most times), I was glad to have the break. It was nice to not have to play referee all day long or not have to worry about all the mouths to feed, or get mad at someone for not following the rules. Ben and I went on two dates. TWO! In one week! One even included dinner and a movie! It was all completely nice.
I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m not grateful. I love my girls and I’m so thankful for them. I’m thankful for the opportunity to love them, teach them, and serve them (though I admit I get cranky about it sometimes). I’m sure just like any other job, no matter how much you love that job, a break is welcomed and sometimes needed.
The girls come back today. I’m a little nervous for the fighting, the constant cooking (and dish cleaning), the sending of time-outs to resume, but these are all also the same things I will be crying to have back in about 20 years. I know that this time will go fast and my heart will be aching to go back in time one day. The break was nice, but I’m ready to have my girls home again. I missed them a whole lot! Come home girls, mommy’s ready for you!
I just love your honesty!!!! It must have been a shocker to see those drawings at first. Yikes! But seems like you’re a really good sport about it.
Glad you got a little peace and quiet!
Oh, I sure can relate to this. I only have my one little Rylee….but how I long for that silence sometimes! I’m always impressed by how you seem to manage it all so gracefully 🙂
Oh! I’m so not graceful! I definitely feel like I fall flat on my face most times because I’m such a yeller! Graceful parenting is not something that would describe me at all. Now crazy parenting, that’s totally me!!!
I love the honesty in this post and think it is so true. I remember the first time I left my kids, it took me a good day to calm down and enjoy myself. I was on a trip with my hubby and was so afraid something would happen when we were away. Now I have learned to calm down and enjoy the time I get without my kids because it hardly ever happens and I know it is good for my soul and sanity.
I’m glad you got some time to yourself which you shouldn’t feel guilty at all about having/needing/wanting/enjoying. And two dates? That’s awesome! I don’t know you in person, but reading your blog I can see how great of a mom you are!
The other day, I found the word “HAPPY” written on the hallway baseboard. Sure, I was anything but when I found it…however, I will admit…I couldn’t help smirking at it as we tried (with no success) to have my daughter wipe it off. It is now a sweet reminder that she must’ve been “happy” when she wrote it. In retrospect, she could’ve chosen some other not-so-happy words! 😉
Ruby, I have been reading your blog for 6 years. I actually took a 1 1/2 year break because of frustration/jealousy/depression. There were several blogs that I needed to step back from because I found myself constantly comparing myself and getting so angry that I couldn’t find the time to do all these wonderful crafty, cooking, baking, homeschooling, etc. things!
When I came back with a much better attitude (through much spiritual and mental health work!), your blog was the only that I have continued reading because your blog posts had evolved and demonstrate an honesty and “realness” (sharing of hardships in parenting, doubts/tumbles with faith and the sharing of those days that just don’t go as planned (i.e. public bowel relief, hospital visit, etc.)!
Not that I think all blogs should cater to MY needs but, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate coming to your blog and being able to laugh, cry and sigh with relief that there are REAL women behind these words/photos…thank you for letting that become more obvious to those of us who also struggle.
xoxo
Love,
Sheila
I don’t think we should feel bad, as parents, to need some alone time, either with ourselves or our spouses. After a weekend away when I was feeling especially guilty, I had a little chat with my eight year old on how much I missed her and she said, “Well, mummy, I missed you, too, but sometimes we likes breaks, too.” Well, that changed my whole perspective! You are one busy & dedicated Mama and you deserve the break! Thanks so much for ALWAYS being honest about the highs and lows of parenting…it is very refreshing. Happy July!
I have three children, and we’re (I am) considering just one more. Life right now is chaos, and my husband wants to wait a bit. But me, I am sorta a little healthily obsessed with numbers: we have a 2008, 2010, 2012 baby, and this fall will be the time to get pregnant with #4 for a 2014 baby. I like even numbers, hence the 4th baby, and they’re all born in an even year. We’re a bit tired but I feel this is the time, now or never. Anyway, we are really struggling with how does one decide enough is enough? It would be really sweet to know from someone else’s perspective with 4 children (No one we actually know has over 2 kids). So, If you don’t mind, my question is, after so kindly enduring TMI about my life, how did you know you were done with your baby making days? It seems like you did the 2 year spacing between your girls (or maybe not, I don’t know), how was that on your body? How is it on your physche?
Oh man … I feel this post. I mean I feel a lot of your posts but this one in particular. I have three boys. Sometimes I just can’t remember the last time a day went smooth and my house was clean and manageable when they were all home together. My boys are a tad bigger than your girls, but I feel like it hasn’t got easier with age! (The drawing on the walls has subsided though;). Thanks for blogging your true feelings. It’s nice to know we are not alone!
I am thankful for your honesty here and love reading it. Its all the things I feel too, sometimes pissed at the toddler for getting into things you know and they know they aren’t supposed to touch and finding joy in the quiet. Just like you though I can’t imagine or wish for anything else.