There are crumbs on my floor. Almost always. We do try to sweep up under the breakfast table daily (it’s on their chore chart), but it doesn’t always happen. If I cropped out the floor, you wouldn’t see the crumbs. The verse Proverbs 31:30 comes to mind, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Which led me to think of it like this, “Instagram is deceptive, and blogs are fleeting…” I enjoy capturing and sharing a pretty picture, but don’t forget there’s always real life behind the lens, lots of things you don’t see.
For me, behind my lens this week has been a lot of crazy. There’s not a particular project or anything going on, but I think it’s a combination of me PMS-ing and Ben working three late nights in a row (kudos to you who have to do some sort of single parenting gig). Basically, I’m the crazy one. I feel like the Israelites in the book of Judges, continually messing up, asking forgiveness, things are going well, and then bam, I’m deep into loving myself a whole lot (which isn’t a good thing). Lots of sinning on my part, and having to ask the girls and God for forgiveness. Thankfully, no f-bombs have been dropped (at least not that I remember) when recounting my day back to Ben, but I sure was barking out orders like a military sergeant to the girls all day long. Then, when I’m thinking clearly, I’m like, “Ruby! Come on, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Duh! You know that!” Oh, it’s such a vicious cycle within my heart. I’m totally not a Christian because I’m naturally good, I’m a Christian because I just plain suck and I know I need Jesus. I’m so thankful that it’s about grace, and not what I’ve done because if that were the case, like I said here, I’d totally be doomed.
There was a sweet moment that came from this #momlife I’m living. It was after dinner Tuesday night, the girls were still working on math, and I was just exhausted. I was sitting on the sofa, singing along with some worship music, and the girls came down to ask me a math question. I said, “Come on, let’s sing together.” This doesn’t happen often (more like never), but there we were, my girls and I were singing to Jesus together. I had my eyes closed, but I could hear Brave clearly (she sings loud like me), and it was just such a special moment. I need to make sure moments like that happen more often, so I guess if it takes us having to go through chaotic days to get there, so be it. I will gladly take the chaos and the sweet, it’s only by God’s grace and for his glory.