Lately, this parenting gig has been real hard. Not that it was ever super easy, but it seems we’ve hit a bump in the road, especially with our oldest. She has a real strong desire to control and wants her way or the highway. Actually, now that I type this out, it sounds a lot like me. Her way isn’t always best, and usually it’s quite selfish, so we’ve been really trying to steer her heart toward choosing selflessness and obedience.

I’m a sinner who birthed sinners, so it’s funny that I get surprised (and angry) when they are not following directions. Argh! Ben and I have been seeing how much growing and grace our parenting needs. The tantrums though have left me feeling exhausted and numb. I went to Target this week to pick up a couple things, and I remember just walking and feeling so zombie-like (minus all the grunting). All joy in parenting was gone that day.

I realized all my trying to be a good parent was kind of failing and it’s cause it was just me trying (and Ben), but kind of leaving God out of it. Not that God is a magic genie who magically makes things happen when you want, but I realized I needed to pray and surrender myself. I haven’t been dealing with this whole thing with the best perspective and my heart in all the wrong places, so I need to refocus.

I’ve been waking up at 5am to pray, read, and think, and enjoy the peace and quiet before all the chaos starts. And True and I went on a date this week, and I spoke with her about heart issues. I told her about how most of the time it’s hard for me to be selfless too, and that even I struggle with being too angry about something dumb. That’s not news to her though as she witness my selfishness firsthand. It was nice to have some one on one time with her, and while I know that won’t magically solve our issues either, it’s good to take as many moments possible to let them know we love them no matter what.

Since we turned back around and spent NYE in San Antonio, Ben’s mom taught the girls how to make buñuelos. She used to make these every New Year’s Eve for Ben and his sister while they were growing up, so she was excited to be able to make them with her granddaughters. Of course, my girls were happy to get in the kitchen and learn from their Grandmama.

I’m glad we had to turn back around because I’m sure this will be a special memory for my girls. It is really sweet to see the grandparent and grandchild relationship. Plus, we don’t ever spend New Year’s with Ben’s family, so this was an extra treat for everyone.

Buñuelos are pretty much fried tortillas, so they aren’t super healthy, but my mother-in-law did make them with whole wheat flour, so maybe a little bit healthy? Ben would probably still say no. HA! Grandmama also made a big pitcher full of Mexican hot chocolate, and oh boy did we have a feast with a buñuelo in one hand and a mug of hot chocolate in the other. I want to try my hand at making them, so maybe I’ll have a recipe to share with you soon.

One week down (almost), 51 more to go. This week beat the crap out of me. It was a total struggle to get back into routine and everyone was (is) off their game. Last year’s word of the year was “focus,” and sometimes I did good and sometimes I did bad. I know that’s normal. This year’s word will be “Jesus” because that’s really what I need more of, so Jesus it is!

I don’t really have any resolutions. As far as diet and exercise, being married to a dietitian keeps me on the straight and narrow (most of the time), and Ben and I have been going strong exercising together every morning (most mornings) for 5 years now. You’d still never ever see me in a two piece though, I think my body just natural wants to retain some mom belly as my souvenir of birthing. Anyway, last year lots of big things happened like my book, Let’s Sew Together, came out. Ben and I traveled to Singapore, where I taught my first workshop, and we had lots of mini vacations interspersed between too. True’s first tooth came out, then second and third, and fourth, and Brave even lost a couple too! These are just a few of last year things.

I don’t know what this year will have in store. I have no plans so far! Ben and I have a mini family vacation planned in the spring, we’re talking about sending the big girls to Texas for part of the summer, my baby sister comes back in June (yippee!), other than that, I’m game for whatever. We also have our 10 year anniversary coming up, so we are thinking of maybe doing something for that. I’m also perfectly content to celebrate by chilling together at home. Since we got back from Texas early Sunday morning, and pretty much took off running back into reality on Monday, I haven’t had much time to think about this year’s plans.

As far as this space, I want Ben to join in a little bit more. I really enjoy his writing and his take on diet and feeding the family, so I hope you don’t mind if he pops in from time to time. He’s also the ones that leads all the gardening, so he’ll be sharing about those things too. Blogging has changed a lot from when I first started, for both good and bad. I’m thankful for the opportunities that have come because of it, and that this is a place where I can share my struggles as well as the frivolous parts of life, and I’m grateful that you guys are so gracious in accepting both.

Cheers to 2015!

Ben turned 40 a few weeks ago. He’s a simple guy and didn’t have many requests for his 40th birthday except to 1) not have a party, and 2) garden together as a family. Easy enough, but the girls and I still wanted to do something extra special for this extraordinary man of ours. It’s not every year that someone turns 40, and I think 40 is a pretty big deal. One day, as the girls and I were driving somewhere, and singing the song, “All About That Bass;” it dawned on me that we could easily change the lyrics to be “All About That Ben,” so that’s exactly what we did.

“All About That Ben”
Because you know I’m all about that Ben
‘Bout that Ben, he’s forty
I’m all about that Ben, ’bout that Ben, he’s forty
I’m all about that Ben, ’bout that Ben, he’s forty
I’m all about that Ben, ’bout that Ben

Yeah, It’s pretty clear, you’re the birthday boo
And you can shake it, shake it like you’re supposed to do
‘Cause you got that boom boom that all the girls chased
And all the right junk in all the right places

I saw you in a magazine you need no photoshop (I hold up the magazine he was once in, which happened around the time we met)
I knew you were for real
And I wasn’t gonna stop
Cause you got beauty, beauty, inside and out
Every inch of you is perfect
From the bottom to the top.

Yeah, my mama she told me you’re gonna marry that guy (my mom really told me that after the first time Ben and I hung out)
She said, “Boys like that are the ones who’ll hold you at night”
It’s been like that for 10 lovely birthdays with you so far (we’ve been married almost 10 years)
And I’m sure that they’ll be many more as our lives move along

Because you know I’m all about that Ben
‘Bout that Ben, he’s forty
I’m all about that Ben, ’bout that Ben, he’s forty
I’m all about that Ben, ’bout that Ben, he’s forty
I’m all about that Ben, ’bout that Ben

You’re forty now!
No one would guess that right off the bat
I’m not playing, you look like ten years minus that
I’m here to tell you,
Every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top
Repeat verses above

It’s kind of hard to choreograph something with four little ones, but we all worked on memorizing the words together, and watched the video a gazillion times (we are playing it while we dance for Ben) to get some of the moves down. When it came down to performance time, it seemed they got a little shy, but I think Ben got the gist. We love him so much and we wanted to do something fun and silly for him! We did get to work in the garden a teensy bit, I made him one of his favorite meals, and he got to blow out candles on an oatmeal pecan pie. I think he would say it was good way to celebrate turning 40! He did end up surprising me with something too, but I’ll save that story for another post.

I can’t believe how fast Christmas came and went. We spent Christmas in Texas this year, and we had such a good time. We always do though, so not really news there. For Christmas morning, the girls and I planned a special show for them to perform for their Grandmama and Auntia (auntie + tia) Suzi. The show included some of their piano pieces, hip hop dance numbers, mixed in with some readings of the Christmas story from Luke 2. Ben also led a short time of family worship and a story from our advent book. Then, Papi Claus came back into town and did all the handing out of the presents. Papi Claus is full of jokes so everyone was laughing all morning. After all the present opening, the girls naturally wanted to play with them, so they went outside to ride the scooters they were given from their Auntia Suzi. Glow didn’t get one, since she will just get the three-wheel scooter we already had at home, so she watched from the sidelines.

Ben and I prepared Christmas dinner while we watched the Spurs game, and the girls just had fun with their Grandmama and Auntia. It was such a laid back day and everyone stayed in their pajamas. Actually, the girls stayed in pajamas most of the time we were in Texas, and they are so cute all matchy-matchy. Ben’s mom had these all laid out for them when we got there, and they were so excited about matching.

This is the second year we had Papi Claus (this is from last year’s), and it’s always hilarious, and this is the first time we prepared a Christmas show. I think it would be fun to have the girls do a Christmas show yearly, so hopefully next year we can do another. Ben’s mom doesn’t have a piano, but this roll-out piano we borrowed from their piano teacher came in handy. I want to try and include some sort of puppet show in next year’s, but we will see what the girls want to do. They always have their own plans when it comes to this stuff. I think it would be a fun tradition to do, until they don’t want to do it anymore (who knows when that will be?!). What are some of your Christmas Day traditions?

Dear Last Week,

I would certainly most appreciate a do-over. We were rushing around trying to wrap things up for Christmas and school that I was much too snappy and quick to anger. Words were said that shouldn’t have been and I didn’t even apologize (I still need to). I can’t even remember exactly what went on except that I was just mad all the time. I realize I need more Jesus instead of other things to help me get through my days, but I always fail to pick more Jesus. Despite my hard heart, I’m thankful that forgiveness and mercy abounds in the cross, I need to look there more. With this new week, come new chances, so I’m praying that I live it under the authority of God, instead of me trying to control it all and want to be God.

Love,
Ruby