parenting these days

January 16, 2015

at the deskLately, this parenting gig has been real hard. Not that it was ever super easy, but it seems we’ve hit a bump in the road, especially with our oldest. She has a real strong desire to control and wants her way or the highway. Actually, now that I type this out, it sounds a lot like me. Her way isn’t always best, and usually it’s quite selfish, so we’ve been really trying to steer her heart toward choosing selflessness and obedience.

I’m a sinner who birthed sinners, so it’s funny that I get surprised (and angry) when they are not following directions. Argh! Ben and I have been seeing how much growing and grace our parenting needs. The tantrums though have left me feeling exhausted and numb. I went to Target this week to pick up a couple things, and I remember just walking and feeling so zombie-like (minus all the grunting). All joy in parenting was gone that day.

I realized all my trying to be a good parent was kind of failing and it’s cause it was just me trying (and Ben), but kind of leaving God out of it. Not that God is a magic genie who magically makes things happen when you want, but I realized I needed to pray and surrender myself. I haven’t been dealing with this whole thing with the best perspective and my heart in all the wrong places, so I need to refocus.

I’ve been waking up at 5am to pray, read, and think, and enjoy the peace and quiet before all the chaos starts. And True and I went on a date this week, and I spoke with her about heart issues. I told her about how most of the time it’s hard for me to be selfless too, and that even I struggle with being too angry about something dumb. That’s not news to her though as she witness my selfishness firsthand. It was nice to have some one on one time with her, and while I know that won’t magically solve our issues either, it’s good to take as many moments possible to let them know we love them no matter what.


10 comments on “parenting these days”

  • You are so transparent and authentic and give such a gift to your readers when you share the tough parts of your life. Thank you. I’m not a mom yet, but I appreciate all of these parental anecdotes. The best thing that I can compare this to is teaching (I’m a teacher). All day is an effort to inspire, guide, help, and love. When that’s met with opposition and anger, it’s extremely discouraging. Parenting and teaching can feel like thankless jobs at times. However, as you know, they’re the stuff of life. Through the crap comes the beauty. When your daughters are beautiful, grown women, they’ll thank you for teaching them selflessness. It’s one of the greatest gifts a parent can give. Keep at it, mama, and don’t forget to give yourself heaping spoonfuls of forgiveness and compassion along the way.

  • Lita says:

    I am a single mom of one (my daughter is 5 yo). I admit it, it’s not easy being a single mom. I question myself a lot. I wonder if I am raising my daughter “correctly”. I don’t have any families in this country so that kind of support system doesn’t exist in my life right now. My daughter would copy things I do or say. And Lord knows I am not the best role model. Reading your latest post makes me realize that every mom struggles with similar issue(s)… and the fact that I am not alone in this makes me feel better!
    Honestly, I don’t know how you do it all.
    It is so hard to keep up with ONE child in the house (and I don’t even see her most of days because I am working).
    You’re truly a champ!

  • Savannah says:

    I feel like I am struggling Also, my thoughts on questioning whether or not to continue homeschool seems like a daily struggle. Selfishness to have more time to self and a quiet or less noise has been something on my mind. Parenting has become especially difficult right now and I know that it is that , I too have tried to do it all myself instead of keeping my eyes on Jesus. I was reminded he is the author and finisher of my faith and I too know my lack of spending time with him each morning has negatively impacted everything… I’m trying too get up before they do also so I can have that quiet time again. It’s so frustrating when I know what works and neglect that time. But God is so merciful and faithful.. I think I get so hard on myself , like how could I let the most important thing slip away… I have to remind myself .. Give yourself Grace, and get on track… God is so good
    …praying for you , my eldest is turning 9 soon and I’m dealing with similar struggles.. You’re not alone.. <3

  • Taira says:

    I know exactly how you feel. We do so much for our children- my number one goal is to make sure they’re happy and healthy- so when their attitude comes out I feel like I’m losing my mind. I do feel that one on one time with each of them is soooo important. I try to do something special with each of them. Good luck to you…. ♥

  • Em says:

    Good job momma! Keep it up!

  • megan says:

    Love this. Even your mistakes are helping and inspiring others. These are exactly my ups and downs, my daily battles with my own sinful self and the kids being kids. So thankful for a God who forgives and lets us try again every day. Thanks for the reminders of where to keep the focus. We can’t do it, but God can.

  • Sonia says:

    I have gone through this same exact thing with my oldest who is almost 5. We have definitely come a very long way, but as you say the example that my husband and I said to her when we react to things which annoy us is directly related to how she reacts. I don’t know if you have read it, but shepherding a child’s heart is an awesome book that really made a lot of things clear for us. You’re a wonderful mama to keep trying, and to recognize your own shortcomings and work on improving them.

  • Cali says:

    I’ve been a faithful reader of your since your Glow was born and my Livvy was born at the same time. Is has been fun seeing your family grow out of the “baby years” at the same time it was happening in our house. I rarely comment on blogs but had to say thank you for this post! I feel like I would have written the very same thing if I had to describe life with my oldest daughter right now. I cried reading this post, laying in bed after a long day with my oldest. Thanks for being transparent and reminding me that I’m not alone.

  • My oldest is the same way. He likes to boss his little brother around and gets upset when he doesn’t do it the way he wants to instead of allowing creative freedom and it is rough sometimes. There was even something as simple as me asking my oldest to help close the car door for me, in which when the younger one did it instead, the older one threw a fit and had to re-open the door so he could re-close it since I had asked him to do it first. I said, “I just wanted it closed. Once it was closed, it didn’t matter. You didn’t have to open it again just to close it so you could do it.” UGH!

  • Karla says:

    I feel like this is me every day! It can be very hard to get out of bed and face the day because it’s an immediate get-to-work and start taking care of everyone, playing referee, trying to homeschool, change poopy diapers, etc. etc. I’m an introvert, so I feel it ten-fold, it seems. My husband has three different jobs (paid, volunteer, self-employed), so I feel like he’s never around! I remember one of those trips to the store, walking around like a zombie; it was hard not to buy something loaded with sugar and stuff my face! I’m an emotional eater… 😛 Just the other day I started crying because I’m trying so hard to make healthy meals, teach the kiddos, keep the house clean, sell some of my handmade items, LOSE WEIGHT… and it’s just so hard. The same battles, every day. In my head and in my heart, I heard – but wasn’t the most receptive! – “in your weakness I am strong.”

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