“Brave is not the right word for parents. Dependent is.”

The above quote is by Rachel Pieh Jones from the book Mom Enough, and it really sums up our parenting/life journey right now. The last few years, I got caught up with the busyness of parenting (and life), I misplaced my daily dependency on God. At least, a consistent awareness of it. And sometimes, exactly when you need it, God does a little shaking up to remind you where your hope ought to be. As uncomfortable as it is, I’m thankful for the sifting and shaking. Though I do struggle with being thankful and joyful (and do some complaining) in the sifting and shaking. Even still, there’s a sweetness and peace through it that only comes from Christ. I know this is where God wants me. In this season of my life right now, I’m definitely growing in a deeper understanding of what it means to be dependent. Not in myself, but in Christ alone.

“In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand.”
– Stuart Townend & Keith Getty

I’m learning what it means to be dependent. Dependent on Christ for the patience, strength, words, love, resolve, and boldness to face the daily challenges of motherhood and changes in life. Dependent on His story for my life versus what I had/have planned. Dependent on the grace that overflows to soften my hard heart. Most importantly, dependent on what Jesus did for me on the cross. My life ought to be a life of dependency. I’m (nervously) asking the Lord to keep me dependent. I want more of Him; I need more of Him.

Psalm 62:5-8
“Rest in God alone, my soul, for my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I will not be shaken. My salvation and glory depend on God, my strong rock. My refuge is in God. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before him. God is our refuge. Selah”

Currently in Deuteronomy for my Bible reading plan, and I see how God constantly reminds the Israelites to remember what He did for them when He took them out of Egypt. Then, there are also festivals/celebrations designated to help that remember that time too. Not only that, God also emphasizes to them to have a day of rest. Remember and rest was important for the Israelites, and I’m learning it ought to be a pertinent part of my daily living too because the point of remembering and to rest for the Israelites, and even for me now, is to see God and His glory. It’s about looking at God and not ourselves.

I’m not much of a stop and remember, or stop and rest (in God) person. I do love to stop and remember the beginning stories of when Ben and I met (and I almost daily tell him the story of when we first met, or I make him retell it), but not so much things of God. It is sad how easy it is for me to breathe God ignoring air. I ought to remember when I first read John 3 and how being “born again” became real to me, or remember the beginnings of God opening my heart to understand what grace really means, or stopping daily to remember Jesus dying on the cross for me. I need to remember I’m free from being a slave to my selfish desires.

And rest… what’s that?! I’m such a busy body with a love for to-do lists, so I have a hard time stopping to rest. I keep going until I feel like I have everything under my control, but I need to rest under God’s control and not my own. I need to rest in God’s provision, not my own. Rest is God’s time, not my own. Rest in that God satisfies, not a clean house, obedient children, or antique jewelry.

Remember and rest go hand in hand and it’s to point me back to Christ… remember what He did in my place and rest in that all the work is already done, and I don’t need to run myself into the ground trying to control my world. Jesus gives all the rest I need. On this side of heaven, I know remember and rest will probably be a lifelong battle for me, but there’s an overflow of grace daily and I will keep fighting to remember and rest in Christ alone.

I know life is hard sometimes, but Christ is sweet all the time.

This is something I told a friend recently, and it’s a truth our family continues to experience richly this year. We’ve recently had lots of hard things happen within our circle of friends and family… lots of heartbreak, loss, brokenness, and uncertainty. Maybe you feel that weight just reading the news everyday. Life is full of trials and can feel harsh at times, but through it all, we see God’s overwhelming grace, comfort, and peace fill our very weak hearts. When plans and the future seems muddied by current circumstances, I rest in God’s promises knowing He works things out for good for those who He called according to his purpose. I rest knowing He’s written this story of mine and I simply have to take each step forward with faith. While trials bring the unknown, I’m so thankful Christ has made Himself known to me, and in Him I place my trust. So yeah, life is hard sometimes, but Christ is definitely sweet all the time.

Isaiah 40:28-31 “Do you not know? Have you not heard? Yahweh is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never grows faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding. He gives strength to the weary and strengthens the powerless. Youths may faint and grow weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint.”

One of my summer goals is to lunch outside more often. After we got the back all cleaned up last weekend, we’ve been making it a point to enjoy our meals outside. I know it’ll eventually get too hot to do it during the day, but we will make the attempt for as long as we can. Then, if not, for sure dinners can be outdoors because one of the wonderful things about California is that no matter how hot it gets during the day, it typically cools off at night.

Do you have any summer goals? I will for sure be making a longer list while I’m away in Minneapolis and get some alone thinking time.

I’m back in the floral design game and did a wedding last weekend. It was my first time in a long while. Flowers used to be my favorite to work with, but it became difficult with little ones, but with them getting older and Ben’s new schedule this year, I’m going back to it. (Clearly, I wear a lot of hats from vintage shop to macrame, and a lot of other things in between.)

I took two girls with me to the LA Flower Market, so 1) I could take the carpool lane, and 2) extra hands to hold and pull a flower filled wagon. True and Soul got the job of coming along. Brave has her injured foot, and Glow didn’t want to go, so #1 and #3 it is! As we were flower shopping and flower making, it hit me… these girls will likely choose jobs outside of the box. They’ve grown up seeing me work in a lot of creative areas, that I think they have more a creative, entrepreneurial spirit in them.

My hope is that they aren’t afraid to pursue things outside of the box. I know I certainly was scared, so when it came time to choose a career to study, I chose teaching. It was safe. Part of me wishes I picked art, which was the other major I considered, but my fear of not being good enough and what to do for a job after, stopped me. I think all my side hustles over the years, have exposed the girls to thinking outside of the box. It has encouraged them to explore things they love and also, they don’t have to limit themselves to pursue just one thing. I love macrame, sewing, writing, crafting, floral designing, collecting vintage, and I’m thankful that I’ve been able to do all of these things (and teach my girls how to do these things), while staying home to raise my girls. It’s fun watching these girls grow up and their passions develop.

Well, the baby has lost her first tooth. She’s been anxiously anticipating this day. She’s almost 7 and has been a little jealous that her big sisters were losing teeth and she wasn’t. Then it happened… a few weeks ago, I picked her up for school and she excitedly said, “Guess what, mommy?! I have a loose tooth!” While she was jazzed, my heart sunk a bit because this was it, my last baby and she’s on her way to not being a baby anymore. And then it hit again yesterday, when her tooth came off during lunch.

She didn’t want to say she was excited because she knew I was a teensy bit sad, but she was so happy about it. I was happy for her too, but my heart already misses them being little. I know they’re cray and I’m a cray mom, and mothering is hard for me, but I do cherish these kid years. Cray and all, I know I’m going to wish I could rewind this time.

With tooth in hand, she didn’t waste any time and she immediately put it under her pillow. On the other hand, my Soul, hasn’t put any of her teeth under the pillow because she says, “I’m saving it so I can get a lot of money.” Thankfully, Ben remembered at night and did that switch-a-roo. I’m really bad at remembering to do that. There have been times when the older girls woke up and still had their tooth under the pillow.

So here we are… the baby has lost her first tooth, and for her, it’s onward and upward. Their milestones are my milestones, and while she enthusiastically sees this as a sign of growing up, it’s a bittersweet moment for me because my babies are really growing up. There’s nothing I can do to stop time; it just keeps going.