feeling anxious

October 10, 2014

wildflowersThese past few days of I’ve been feeling kind of anxious, and it’s not a feeling I’m used to having. There’s nothing going on that’s particularly unusual, but it’s this weird heaviness on my chest and I feel like I can’t really breathe. I’ve been thinking about what it might be and I think it’s my lack of time in prioritizing praying and meditating on God’s word. I’ve been making sure to relax in the evenings, but I’ve just been streaming something from Netflix or Hulu. While that’s fine and dandy (and totally okay to do!), I’ve neglected doing things that stir my heart and mind to love God more. I’ve just been doing brain numbing things to help me wind down at night, but maybe it’s numbed my heart too.

Things have been busy with trying to stay on top of homeschooling, all the kid stuff, the house, and other creative projects I sign up for, but I’ve totally been relying on my own strength, and now I think that’s drying up. We also have some small changes going on, so we have some unknowns thrown in too. Lately, I struggle with comparing myself to things in Internet land. I tell myself, “Duh! Ruby, don’t do that. What people show is only a sliver.” And I know that, but it’s something my heart wrestles with at times.

Anyway, I need to do another heart check and more Jesus. Sometimes I lose focus, and writing my thoughts and feelings here help me sort it out. Anyone feeling similarly lately?


31 comments on “feeling anxious”

  • Michele says:

    I was feeling that a week or so ago. I think I got through a forth of the foreign films on amazon prime! I realized in the end that I needed to simplify my home. There was too much physical clutter and my mind was imitating that. Too much of even good and beautiful things can be overwhelming. So we donated a lot of stuff last weekend and this week I’ve been clearing my mind and realigning my goals with what I want out of life. It’s been very healing. I’m sure you will find peace. 🙂

  • Laura says:

    One of the reasons we have everything written down for us in the Bible, I think, is that we all do this and need a clear reminder of how to get back on track – we’re so forgetful! We all get caught up in the craziness of life and our human endeavours and get a bit lost. My thought is always “I don’t want to do my bible reading, my brain is too much of a mess,” forgetting that that’s *exactly* the time I need to do it, to straighten the mess out.

    I’m reading Paul David Tripp’s ‘A Shelter in the time of Storm’ which is short meditations on Psalm 27, just long enough to be interesting, but not overwhelming. Maybe there’s something in the air – with school started and Christmas looming – that’s got us all a bit swamped right now, but I’ve been feeling the benefit of stopping and breathing too.

    Incidentally, I love reading your blog because you *do* write about stuff like this, not just the shiny slivers of life 🙂 It’s good to know I’m not the only one who gets like this xx

    • Rubyellen says:

      You’re right, I think I’m getting lost in the human endeavors and just trying to keep up with the craziness of it all (life, kids, school, everything!). I think we have that book. I will have to check our bookshelf. I’ve been reading Treasuring Christ by Gloria Furman and Psalm 119 for encouragement and rebuke.

  • becky says:

    I have been in the exact same spot. And the problem is that all the busyness tends to be for naught because without my daily/hourly check in…a little prayer in my head or heart…anything – nothing seems to be worth doing or doing well. I always joke with my husband that I can tell when our homeschool didn’t start with a prayer or scripture – because there will be fights and whining and things spilled and my temper will flare and we will hit an all time low and I will immediately pause and go, “duh! everyone pause – we’re starting over!” And we’ll have a prayer and a discussion and re prioritize and start over. But it’s been a hard few weeks with over commitments and too many obligations and family visitors…I’ve lost my mojo and my heart hasn’t been in the game and it is all of my own doing. So I am going back to square one, as you are, and cleaning off my slate a bit and making a lot more time for book reading, prayers, discussions with my hubby…anything but losing my self in one of the 467 episodes of criminal minds that netflix has. 🙂

  • Anna G says:

    As someone who is not religious, but prone to anxiety, I find I get into anxiety ‘habits’ or ‘spirals’, that can last a week or two, or (the worst!) a month or so, where I can’t sleep properly, compare myself to the Internet People, and, like you mention, feel like I can’t take a deep breath or breathe properly. It’s fricking horrible!

    I think what you mention about how much you have on your plate at the moment, that feeling of overwhelm, it can sometimes take over…..it’s hard not to let it I think. When I get into that mean old place, I try and get myself some alone time (even if it means staying up until the wee hours!), listen to music from my childhood or Frozen or whatever is what I truly want to listen to, and try and get myself back on an even keel.

    Also, I think we should all take comfort, as women, in the fact that we should not have to present this image of perfection, family, figure, food, home, style, coffee choice, all immaculate. Thank God for mess and normality. Down with Pinterest!

    PS your home is beautiful, and your girls’ messes are wonderful x

    • Rubyellen says:

      I’m with you… pinterest and blogs are a blessing and a curse! Life really could do without them, but they are fun and entertaining when we keep the right mindset.

  • Lindsay Eryn says:

    Yes. Yes, yes, yes. It’s odd when I come home and I’m exhausted and I just want a relaxing evening, my first thought is to just watch TV to chill out, but that’s not the rejuvenating kind of rest.

    • Rubyellen says:

      I know! I think I’m seeing how too much brain numbing through netflix and hulu doesn’t really do me very much good.

  • Janelle G says:

    oh my yes. Though my anxiety is tending more towards the overwhelmed. How easy it is for me to neglect God when I’m feeling overwhelmed incapable of doing what I desire to do. Thank you for sharing your heart on your blog, it is a blessing to be sure 🙂

  • I can totally relate! I haven’t been meditating on God’s word lately, and life is definitely lacking and a little more stressful than when I read my bible every day.

  • Danica says:

    I can relate to this so much right now Ruby! It’s too bad I haven’t busted your blog in awhile because every time I do…I feel so encouraged and inspired. I’ve been needing more Jesus lately too. Trying to not binge watch Gilmore girls and spend more time in the word this week.


  • Elisabeth says:

    Hello, i am Elisabeth, a french woman. I like your blog and your sincerity. I can rel

    • Rubyellen says:

      Thank you so much for your sweet thoughts and suggestions. I’ve been praying more and trying to see what I can learn as I sort out these feelings, but maybe some relaxation techniques might help too.

  • Elisabeth says:

    Oups ! a little problem with my computer . I can relate to your words . I’m not religious but i practice meditation . It’s a way for me to be connected with me and the world. I like this english word “links” (liens in french) ; i like his sonority and his meaning. Thanks for your writing.

  • marine says:

    Not Jesus but just another french girl who would be happy to pump you up! Your blog is great and seriously you are an inspiration…I am soooo much more on the relax side (not to say lazy realistically!) of things, maybe you should try…one day or two…to do…almost nothing!!

    Positive thoughts to you madame!

    • Rubyellen says:

      Oh the idea of one or two days of nothing makes me stressed because then I would get behind on so many things! But you are right, I probably need that.

  • The”cares of this world” so often creep in and seek to “choke the word” and we all need to take time to recharge with extra time in God’s word. So many times I have to remind my self that when my heart is overwhelmed the best and only place to go and find peace and rest is in His word. Other things can distract me and entertain but only Jesus can give true rest and comfort.
    Great reminder. I so enjoy your creativity, style, and sincerity.

  • cristina says:

    i totally agree with you, sometimes i get so in to netflix i stay up late and then I’m to tired to get up early and read! i know that probably a million people are giving you advice and i just have a suggestion =) besides when i lack reading and focusing on Jesus like Peter should have during the storm ( totally not saying you are at all, just speaking about myself!!!) i also find that sometimes physical needs are not being met. I lack magneseum sometimes because i drink a lot of coffee or what not and one thing that helped me out was a product called natural vitality magnisium powder ( its a natural mineral our bodies have) but ya you can look it up on amazon or google. and maybe you already have it haha its just a good supplement in general but it helps me not feel overwhelmed physicaly. LOVE your blog!!!!

    • Rubyellen says:

      I definitely need more focusing on Jesus! And less time on netflix. My appetite has been off too, and since I hurt my knee, I’ve been missing out on regular exercise for the past two weeks. It’s probably just a big combination of a whole lot of craziness right now, but thank you for taking the time to encourage me! I REALLY do appreciate it!

  • Jessica says:

    Hello! I have been following your blog for the longest time now. I do have to say that I admire you and seek you as inspiration to become a better mom and person. I only have a two year old daughter and it really amazes me to see you with your little girls and how happy all of you are. I thank you for posting this because I have been feeling very stressed out and overwhelmed with all the things that I think I should be finishing or doing. There are times at night that I can’t even fall asleep because I think of all the things I need to do the next day it drives my husband crazy. I hope you feel better soon and just remember that there are people that really admire you! I think that you are a true role model of what a mom should be like.

    • Rubyellen says:

      Thank you so much! I know the feeling, life’s been feeling really overwhelming for me too. I’ve been working on trusting God more through it, and trying not to carry the load alone.

  • Amaranta says:

    Hi, I deeply think that the love you give to your 4 girls and husband compensates the dayly prayers to God. Honestly, when I look to my family I feel I’m doing a good job even if I don’t need to pray or meditate about God…anyway is your belief and I respect that but pls Ruby don’t try to do “Everything” You Do so many things already. Pls don’t feel guilty! I’ve been so busy this last days that I hadn’t the time to check your blog regularly… and I don’t fell guilty about that at all! 😀

    • Rubyellen says:

      I know, trying to do “everything” is definitely a fault of mine. Thank you for the encouragement!

  • Emma says:

    Ive been living with anxiety for the greater part of my life and let me tell you, it is nothing to brush under the rug. Mines never been extreme but there are times where I suddenly feel dread & nervousness for absolutely no reason! The worst part is that it makes me feel exhausted, antisocial, and even like a failure.

    The best advice I can give you is to continue to “talk it out.” I’ve learned that there are SO many people willing to bear my burdens so that I can feel some relief. Don’t be afraid to feel overwhelmed but be aware of what it does to your body and spirit. And of course praying is a good supplemental course of action!

    • Rubyellen says:

      Yup! Been doing a lot of refocusing and praying, and definitely sharing with my closest friends (and here too!). This is really my first time feeling overwhelmed like this, and it kind of got worse over the weekend. Life always has trials to test and grow us more, and I think this is just mine for however long these feelings decide to stay.

  • Alyssa says:

    Wow, just reading the first paragraph really related to what I’ve been doing recently and now I just feel challenged to spend time with God and stop numbing myself. It’s time to really awaken to what God’s calling me to do and start spending more and more time with God daily! Reading this post really hasn’t come at a better time. So thank you so much. Hope you’re having a wonderful day, and continue encouraging others just as you have encouraged me. God bless! 🙂

  • Christina says:

    Wow I feel like you are explaining my life for the past 6 months. Thank you so much for sharing what’s on your heart, and for sharing the things you are trying to do differently. I DEFINITELY see that I am numbing myself with TV. No bueno.

  • Denise says:

    I’m feeling you here. Anxiety is quite high for me at the moment. I’m doing a bible study and I manage to get theough the hard days but with working family and all the demands of first world living even though we really don’t do much extra in life, I’m really having a hard time with it. I keep praying through it and spend my daily time with God. When I get overwhelmed, I’ve had depression before, I cull as much apextra stuff I can that doesn’t need to be done. I’m living by the adage that Rome wasn’t built in a day and I should expect myself to do so much in my own strength perfectly. Hugs xx

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