This is me… sans make-up, before my shower, sleep deprived, and in pajamas.
This week has been a tough week as I (and Ben) are going through some personal trials, which all started because of me. All because I am quite a sinful gal. I have been selfish and prideful, thus have hurt someone in the process, which I am quite remorseful about.
It is kinda funny when I think about blogging because it usually is a happy place. I am always so encouraged by your comments and emails (and gifts) telling me how much I encourage you in your life, but really, I am not perfect. I don’t deserve to be held on a pedestal. I can be crummy towards people, sometimes yell at my children, often get road rage, and have even thrown a chair once while fighting with Ben (not at him, but towards the ground, thankfully we laugh at this now). There are lots of things I am not proud of and I feel I would be doing you an injustice if I didn’t share the struggles I deal with too.
I am not sure what you would classify my blog… craft blog, mom blog, etc., but I think it is just a life blog. Therefore, this is me and this is my life. I want to be real and not just portray a happy, magical life of family, love, and crafting. Don’t get me wrong, we are happy and sometimes I even think I am living a dream, but we are a real family, with real people, who sin and make mistakes often.
My heart has been burdened and I see the parts of me that need to be changed. I am going to pray that God change that. I also see how this trial can even make me grow bitter and resentful and I pray that God not allow that. A friend told me that God is using this to grow me “from one degree of glory to another.” I honestly don’t feel it and it can be hard to see the trial as a blessing. Really hard. But I know my friend was right and that is what God is going to use this for.
All this to say, as much as it seems we are loving family, we aren’t always. Sin definitely is evident in my life, our lives. It just makes me so much more grateful for Christ and what He accomplished for me on the cross. I even have to admit that with this trial, I felt I shouldn’t even be forgiven, but that kind of thinking is “pish-posh.” I just feel/felt really bad. It is only through Christ that there is peace. I need to continue to trust God through this.
At the same time, I am thankful for the boldness to be real, but it is only because of Christ that I can share this. I am thankful for a supportive husband and even more in love with Ben and my three girls. Also, I am blessed to have good friends with whom I could share my burdens with and rebuke me when needed. So please, if you think everything in our home is perfect, it isn’t. I am not perfect. We are just able to learn, love, and forgive because of what Christ has done for us.
I promise next week to share some happier and craftier things going on in our house. Until then, enjoy your weekend!!!