December 18, 2009

This is me… sans make-up, before my shower, sleep deprived, and in pajamas.
This week has been a tough week as I (and Ben) are going through some personal trials, which all started because of me. All because I am quite a sinful gal. I have been selfish and prideful, thus have hurt someone in the process, which I am quite remorseful about.
It is kinda funny when I think about blogging because it usually is a happy place. I am always so encouraged by your comments and emails (and gifts) telling me how much I encourage you in your life, but really, I am not perfect. I don’t deserve to be held on a pedestal. I can be crummy towards people, sometimes yell at my children, often get road rage, and have even thrown a chair once while fighting with Ben (not at him, but towards the ground, thankfully we laugh at this now). There are lots of things I am not proud of and I feel I would be doing you an injustice if I didn’t share the struggles I deal with too.
I am not sure what you would classify my blog… craft blog, mom blog, etc., but I think it is just a life blog. Therefore, this is me and this is my life. I want to be real and not just portray a happy, magical life of family, love, and crafting. Don’t get me wrong, we are happy and sometimes I even think I am living a dream, but we are a real family, with real people, who sin and make mistakes often.
My heart has been burdened and I see the parts of me that need to be changed. I am going to pray that God change that. I also see how this trial can even make me grow bitter and resentful and I pray that God not allow that. A friend told me that God is using this to grow me “from one degree of glory to another.” I honestly don’t feel it and it can be hard to see the trial as a blessing. Really hard. But I know my friend was right and that is what God is going to use this for.
All this to say, as much as it seems we are loving family, we aren’t always. Sin definitely is evident in my life, our lives. It just makes me so much more grateful for Christ and what He accomplished for me on the cross. I even have to admit that with this trial, I felt I shouldn’t even be forgiven, but that kind of thinking is “pish-posh.” I just feel/felt really bad. It is only through Christ that there is peace. I need to continue to trust God through this.
At the same time, I am thankful for the boldness to be real, but it is only because of Christ that I can share this. I am thankful for a supportive husband and even more in love with Ben and my three girls. Also, I am blessed to have good friends with whom I could share my burdens with and rebuke me when needed. So please, if you think everything in our home is perfect, it isn’t. I am not perfect. We are just able to learn, love, and forgive because of what Christ has done for us.
That’s all.
I promise next week to share some happier and craftier things going on in our house. Until then, enjoy your weekend!!!

56 comments on “real”

  • thank you for your truth, it is so hard for me to show the real nitty gritty sides to myself, sometimes but you are so right, we are all in a learning process. Growing sometimes is so hard.

  • Mama King says:

    I am a fairly newer follower of your blog. I am often inspired by your creativity and now find myself inspired by your honesty. Thank you for sharing. We all sin, fail and make mistakes. It is the truly self aware and humble who acknowledge these moments and strive to be better. I think it is understood by most bloggers that our blogs provide edited slices of our lives…a somewhat constructed reality where every day we can appear to be creative and inspired…ha ha ha. I hope you are able to find peace and harmony in your life again…and a little joy (for good measure!)

  • mel martin says:

    oh dear sister! thank you for your humility in sharing this with us who many you don't even know. i am so grateful to God for your life. your right its God's grace at work in your life to convict and show us our sin and where we need His help to grow. i know this is so hard but know a sister in brooklyn has been deeply touched by your transparency and will pray for you after i leave this comment. love, melanie

  • Sarah says:

    You look so pretty without makeup and sleep!
    So awesome how real this entry was. I love it. I think it's such a great thing that you wrote it because often when writing blogs we tend to only focus on the positive and other people DO think life is perfect and then thing what is wrong with their lives. I am also thankful that Jesus is so quick to forgive and He is so extremely graceful and patient.
    Thanks for being real and keeping it real!

  • Your honesty is really beautiful! I enjoy reading your blog because it is full of love and life celebration. But motherhood and relationships can be just as heartbreaking and painful, as much as they are joyous and loving. I read this in a book recently and I use it all the time: Be Gentle with Your Beautiful Self. Do so, okay? You are worthy of great love…well, you share that with every post, but you are also worthy of great forgiveness. Keep sharing your light, even in the darkness. Love to you and your family!

  • You look wonderful, still so beautiful despite all those things….

    What a wonderfully 'real' post. Thanks for sharing. Here is a little something I find helpful in similar situations too.

    Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

    Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:1-5

  • Guinnevere says:

    Without invalidating what you have said, please remember that you just had a baby. You are sleep deprived, hormonal, and stressed…all that to say, you are not at your “best”. God loves ALL of you, not just your good side. From one mom (who adores your blog) to another please cut yourself some slack and take care of you.

  • Julie says:

    I wish I looked that great when I woke up! Not the case, that's for sure. Yes, do remember that you just had a baby and life is tough right now, you have it coming at you at all different angles.
    I appreciate your honesty, the reality of it is touching and I think will connect even more people to you and your blog.

  • helen says:

    i love you, ruby! ptl for God's grace in our lives. He truly is transforming you from one degree of glory to another. can't wait to see you…very very soon. LOVE YOU MUCHO! give your lovely fam my love!


  • melifaif says:

    You are gorgeous no matter what. Even while sinning, I would suppose. Thanks for honesty. I hope you and your Benny get back to the place you need to be in! I will pray for that…many blessings!

  • flybeautiful says:

    i recently stumbled upon your blog and i love it inside out! thank you for sharing your reality. you are inspirational and your family is just way too cute and lovely! i look forward to following you. God bless you all and happy holidays!

  • jen says:

    this post is amazing. thank you for being honest. thank you for your strength and boldness to share this. i hope that i too someday can show this true real raw side with my readers. ((HUGS))

  • im crying.not because im sad but because im happy, im happy because its good to know that we all go through trials in life,and we are not alone, i have things i am not proud of such a yeller at my two sweet little girls its crazy sometimes πŸ™ but I do know that the Lord is good and if we ask we shall receive! help comes from the Lord,and it will come to you,and me too πŸ™‚ xoxo
    adrienne K

  • chelsey says:

    thank you so much for sharing. sometimes i feel overwhelmed when i read the blogs of such amazing families such as yours. sometimes i think about all the wonderful mothers i know through the blogging world and when i lose my temper or fall into other sins, i think about how these wonderful mothers wouldn't be doing that.

    it is so great to know that i am not alone in my struggles and that nobody is perfect. πŸ™‚ thank you for your honesty, these things are hard to admit to even one person, let alone admit on your blog!

    sometimes it is so hard to accept the gift of grace, especially when we feel so awful about something we have done. but you and i have been forgiven and will continue to be, for all the mistakes we have already made and those that are to come!

  • Quinne says:

    Hi RubyEllen πŸ™‚
    Real is good – even when it's tough. Praying that you have a lovely weekend. Love & hugs, Q

  • Meghan Hein says:

    Ruby Ellen,
    Thank you so much for your humble heart and you're honesty. We are HUMAN and therefore… We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. (Rom. 3:23) I think it's so encouraging to know that when we actually confront our sins… it's then that we feel God “swaddling” us with His love. Hang in there girl. You are a huge encouragement to us all.

  • Mary says:

    thanks for keeping it real. i stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago, and i so appreciate your sincerity and humility. (and your craftiness!) hope things start looking up for you..which i know it will, as you continue to trust and surrender everything to Him. (btw i think we live in the same area..i am in diamond bar!)

  • Violet Bella says:

    i agree with everyone so far. and also want to thank you for your honesty. as i was reading, i felt as if i had written most of it. except the being a mother part. throughout my year marraige we have gone through trials that i thought we never would go through. some brought upon by me and some by my husband, but it all came down to not really caring about the other one first. we were both being selfish, and bits of our sinful youth just didnt want to leave the marraige. and through working on all of these things, we have both grown to love each other so much deeper and much more honestly. In all my past relationships i would have run by now, but God has kept our union together, and is teaching us so much about ourselves along the way. if these trials you are going through end up making you see clearer into yourself and become a better person, than it was God working in your soul. sometimes its just hard to see that until you are on the other side.

  • ricebabies says:

    I love this post, for the same reason I love to read Nie Nie, because it's real life. We all have trails and struggles, and its those that make us more beautiful. What are trails for if not to share and grow from, so we can help others, the way God intended us to be. I pray for peace and joy in your heart. (and sleep)

    Matt 18:20

  • I so love your view on God and His place in your life. I am continually inspired by your attitude and thankfulness to Him even during tough times, and I try to adopt the same attitude myself. Thank you for being an inspiration, both spiritually and artistically!

  • Laura says:

    I have been spending many days sans shower and in pajamas with my new little 3 mos. old. And doing my own sinning for sure. It is easy to fall into it when we are tired, etc. Thanks for being vulnerable and real. Isn't great to remember this time of year that God sent his own Son, a little baby, to rescue the world and offer us forgiveness. There is a song that talks about snow falling like forgiveness from the sky. I hope you feel His forgiveness and love for you even as your struggle with the consequences of sin. Thanks for sharing so much of your self here. You are really inspiring :)!

  • hello==
    i always look for forward to your posts and when i see them pop up, i open and read them first. i think perhaps you be a bit hard on yourself, as Guinevere has said up there, you have just given birth, give yourself some room to enjoy your new baby and the rest of your lovely family.

    as for “sin”,which seems a bit harsh for that is simply being human. you are still a good human being, and that should be enough.

    have a lovely yule season, love


  • i love this post because it's a side of you that, as a reader, i haven't really seen. i often finish reading your blog entries and think, “wow, she is so positive and everything seems so happy and amazing in her life. why can't i have that outlook? why do i get annoyed with people on the subway, yell at my husband, etc.?” thank you for sharing this other side and for admitting to the not-so-pretty-side of that we all would rather keep to ourselves… and by the way, you look simply beautiful in that picture. have a lovely weekend.

  • Naomi says:

    I hope that you find the way through your struggles, no matter what they are. Thanks for sharing your world with us, perfect or not so perfect.

  • Rylee says:

    You are so very humble, i am completely amazed…you have such a positive but humble way about you. and you are an amazing mother. I enjoy reading your posts and seeing how strong you are, and how much you love Christ.
    thank you for sharing.
    i will be praying for peace over you this next week.

    you (without makeup) and your children are beautiful!

  • Melissa Jade says:

    I am often seen as the picture of perfection as well (as my co-workers noted at yesterday's holiday party: “…so hard-working, so creative, so domestic and caring towards our students, all while in heels!” But in reality i lose my temper, leave a mess behind me, insult people with my (often fought) sense of hubris… It's a battle for everyone: at least you can look fabulous doing it =)

  • Thanks for taking the time and courage to express yourself to all of us. We can all learn from this.

  • aoiwowie says:

    Amen to everything that's been said already. I love that you are not ashamed to admit your own weaknesses, because it glorifies Christ and His sovereignty. Remember, as believers, we are always a testimony in progress. Be encouraged, and continue encouraging others. You're amazing!

  • Lynnelise says:

    Thank you for sharing another part of your life. I have the same struggles with my blog and how “real” I can be. But I've found it is much more useful and “truthful” to just be myself. Not to mention, the Lord gives us these trials in life, not only in the perfecting of the saints, but also that we may be a witness to others in how He is using our follies to make us more faithful and draw us nearer to Him. You don't know how many hearts are being bound to you because of your transparency! Keep encouraged and keep blogging!!

  • gret says:

    Every single time I read this blog I love it more. Thanks so much Rubyellen for your honesty. So true, every one of us has this stuff to deal with and every one of us has to allow Christ to make us more like him. Nothing less than HARD lessons that seem to happen over and over for me. (Thanks again. And your photo is beautiful by the way). x

  • aw ruby i love you and i praise God so much that he gave me you as a sister. i love you no matter how you are. whether we are both PMS-ing or cranky and hungry i still think you da you da best.

    love you

  • Your honesty and frankness have touched me. You are so special.

  • Roxanne says:

    Thank you for this. I had a bad night and its nice to remember that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes.

  • Sharon says:

    First, I want to tell you that the “real” you is lovely!

    Now, I hope these trying days end for you soon. Feel better and trust that there is a reason for this.

    Hugs, Sharon

  • This is why I admire you; because you proclaim your/our sinfulness as much as you proclaim Jesus' goodness. It's real and honest, and not sugarcoated with sweetness, all you see is the sweetness that really is inside because of grace. Your humility is an example to me. Thank you, and God bless you as He heals and refines!

  • 13mimosa says:

    I am sorry you're feeling a bit down, however constructive it may be about what you are dealing with. I am not religious, so I don't relate to that aspect of your post, but the rest I can. Be kind to yourself, you are a new 3 child mama and it's tough with a little babe, however precious they are, particularly when two other lovelies are vying for your attention too. It's a busy time of year and you are, if not all the things we think you are as readers, very generous of your time and very productive – one person can only achieve so much in one day! Be generous to yourself, go slowly and don't be too tough. Your babes, your husband, you, you're all gorgeous.

  • Jill says:

    Big hugs! lots of prayers! and many Blessings sent to you! Thanks for sharing your heart…in doing so you have healed many!…and you are lovely- just “real” and beautiful!

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  • so thankful for this post, for the chance to read it, for the chance to be a part of your 'real' life. it's an honor.
    it's also an encouragement.
    I think that all of us get to that place, the place of realizing just how yucky the yuck is. it's discouraging, isn't it?
    but, as you mentioned, I feel like the process of sanctification wouldn't happen without these realizations and times of repentance.
    I am praying for you tonight- praying that God will cover over the hurt and that the mercy and forgiveness and grace of Christ will be so evident to you and your family during this next week.
    thanks for sharing yourself with us.

  • Renee says:

    Well, first off, you are very pretty without makeup, wish I was that lucky. πŸ™‚ You are very brave to speak so honestly on your blog. It is hard to believe that somebody that has such great times can have such bad times, but you know what, we are humans & nothing in our lives is perfect… God is the only perfection & all we can do is try to be better & the first step to being a better person is acknowledging your faults, which you have seemed to do, now all you have to do is pray for forgiveness & try to avoid doing that behavior next time, but if you do it again, ask for forgiveness & you will be forgiven. It is a very stressful time right now with 3 little ones & it can be tough, but you will get through it. When you get angry, try to sit down to cool off so that the arguing doesn't continue & the anger amongst you can pass so that you can let go off it & not bring it by the girls b/c even kids can sense anger. You are human so don't ever feel like you have to be this perfect person that does not exist. Look at the good things God gave you- 3 healthy kids & a husband that quite obviously loves you to bunches & shows you respect…. some people in this world are not lucky to have what you have, so don't let the devil try to entice you to be angry or do things that may hurt your loved ones feelings…. it is his plan to break us away from the ones we love & to join his team…. remember you are strong, you can do it! You go girl! πŸ™‚

  • I want you to know that I think you are beautiful, as you are. We don't expect you to be perfect, and I find your honesty a wonderful change from most of the people I deal with on a daily basis. You only need to strive to be as good as you can be and forgive yourself for your mistakes. Have a wonderful weekend, my lovely friend.

    xo Steph

  • L. says:

    Hi, thank you for this “exomologesis”! You just remembered me how the day I came home with our third baby, during a fight with my husband, I broke a special pottery from France, he he. And Christ still loves me…

  • Tiffany says:

    God is good all the time! πŸ™‚ Thank you for the reminder that while we sinners, God's love and mercy is perfected in us and He uses us to bear testimony to how great He truly is!

    Love reading your blog and I am so glad you are open in sharing your faith and the good news, in good and bad times!

  • Ping says:

    You are so humble. Thanks for sharing your life on this blog. May God continue to give you strength to grow and bloom on this.

  • Amber says:

    I am in a similar place. I know how painful it can be to realize and acknowledge our own sinfulness. I just keep reminding myself that as I practice giving more of myself to God, He will overflow my life with His mercy and grace, which is what I know He will do for you as well.

  • Happy Mama says:

    Oh, sweetie.
    You just had a baby – your third one. Don't be too tough on yourself.
    And a wise old woman (OK, she was about 45 – my friend's mother) once told me that the mark of a good (and honest) mum is one who goes to bed each night swearing to herself that she will be a better mother/ wife/ friend the next day.
    Your blog is so inspiring – the creativity, the love, the honesty. Thank you,
    Karen (Scotland)

  • oh Ruby! You are both beautiful inside and out, and have been such a blessing to me and my family. Of course life isn't perfect, and we have our downfalls, but what's awesome about ut us that we have forgiveness and His mercies are new every morning πŸ™‚

    May God guard your heart and mind while you are experiencing this trial.

    Please give the girls hugs and kisses from us! We β™₯ you guys!

  • kristineW says:

    Once again you continue to inspire us. I found a quote that summons up what your blog means to many of us. “Create a sense of family wherever you are. Find people to love and love them unconditionally.” Best wishes for the coming year!


  • Terri says:

    Rubyellen, I am Brooke's (PLaying grown Up) mom, and found your blog through hers. You are a beautiful person, who is striving to please God and train your children in His ways. Look up, this season is temporary, and probably brought on mostly by sleep deprivation. It's a MONSTER!!

  • OpaqueSkies says:

    Can you imagine what life was like before Christ came? It's a great illustration of what Christmas is about. When our hope entered the world so that we wouldn't have to live bearing our shame, guilt, and can choose to walk free vs. in bitterness and resentment knowing that through His Spirit He will help us not make those old mistakes again.

    Thanks for being transparent. Isaiah 53:6

  • GiGi says:

    HIS GRACE is BIG enough!
    Merry Christmas!

  • liza says:

    From one sinner to another…blogging is our way of counting our blessings while we at times masquerade our painful mistakes. keep up your inspirational work and have a Merry Christmas.

  • this is the very first time i come across your blog and i am intrigued by your true expression on your inner side of your soul. this is the very first time i ever read a blog so true. hope all the trials work out well with you soon whatever they are. good luck and have a better year on 2010.



  • lacy says:

    I think you look lovely!

  • And now I love you even more seeing your humility and reliance on Christ. We are not perfect. It is impossible. I always think of how hurtful my thoughts are sometimes to others and how mean-spirited I can be. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your forgiveness, grace, and mercy!
    I think we're having church here on your blog!
    Jennifer Ross

  • Mary Beth says:

    Your honesty is beautiful. This comment is coming in late, I've just been “perusing through” after reading an article about you in an older Artful Blogging issue (congratulations on that by the way). I know God brought me to this post of the thousands if not millions of posts out there tonight. I have been grappling with this same feeling this week. And you're right, it is through Christ that we “grow from one degree of glory to another.” Getting caught up in resentment or bitterness is becoming less than He wants for us, and since we hold the prestigious honor of being loved by Him, we must step up to that glory. Thank you for sharing this and putting into words the way that I feel.

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