I was doing a search on my blog for an old picture of True and Brave when they were younger (baby younger) and wow… seeing old posts just transported me (all the photos in this post are a few years old). I’m no longer that mom that totes around babies, manages nap schedules, and wears button downs because easy access for the baby. I’ve got little ladies now… tweens! This space has documented so much of our days, those hard baby days, growing our family, and all the things we’ve made. It’s pretty amazing and I’m thankful for this space. Seeing so much of my old content was a stroll down memory lane. There was no branding and business strategy in mind when I started, and honestly, I probably didn’t grow much in that area either because this was really a space that was made to document life and all our makings. Opportunities and adventures just fell in our lap, and we were and continue to be so thankful for it. Blogging is different these days, and my time is different these days, but I’ll keep popping in here and sharing as I’m able, and I hope you keep showing up too (as you’re able).
Those days when they were babies were so long, especially having 4 kids in 6 years. That was just an insane thing to do and we initially didn’t set out to do it like that. My plan was to have #2 when True was 5 years old. Well, True was only 6 months when I found myself looking at a positive pregnancy test. I immediately burst out into tears because 1) I just had a baby, who was 6 months old, 2) I was barely getting used to taking care of said baby, and 3) I just had a baby. Ben, on the other hand, was beyond excited, and calling everyone we know screaming with joy. Meanwhile, I was on the sofa balling my eyes out.
Fast forward almost 11 years later and Brave was the best not planned surprise ever. True and Brave have always been so close, even though True’s not into cuddling and Brave’s all about it. Since they’ve had each other from the beginning, it’s helped me because they have always been each other’s playmates. While they do things together, it always gave me time to take care of other things that needed attending, like the two little babies that would follow them. Even now, these girls are content not having friends, which is good and bad, because they’ve always had each other.
Now, when they were babies, it was hard. After I had Brave, I rarely left the house, which is probably the reason that blogging became such a big part of my life. This was my outlet, this was my social life. Soul didn’t come much too long after Brave, and then Glow followed 19 months after that, so when they were napping or down to bed for the night, I hopped on the computer or my sewing table, and I was either blogging or sewing (and writing a book). Ben took over grocery duty after Brave and I didn’t resume it until after Glow. My life until Glow turned 3 years old revolved around their nap and sleep schedules and they were all good nappers (10am-12pm and again from 2pm-5pm, then in bed by 7:30pm, all of them until age 3!). I was the by the book and hated to mess up their sleep schedule because they needed it, and I needed it too. Being so structured and routine definitely help me survive all those baby/toddler years, especially with having them so close in age. It also helps that I am a homebody and love being at home.
Anyway, this post was meant to be about how to deal with having 2 close in age or maybe considering having 2 close in age (True and Brave are 15 months apart), and you know what, for us, it was the best thing ever. I’m not surprised God’s plans always turn out better than we could ever plan. I really cried for a week when I found out I was pregnant, but I laugh about it now because I couldn’t imagine our life any other way. We went pretty much back to back to back to back, and while crazy (I still feel crazy), I love seeing these girls interact. Their bond is so special. The only downfall to them being babies pretty much at the same time is they haven’t had much experience on how to care for babies. I was 10 years old when my baby sister was born and that big age difference taught me a lot, so that’s one skill these girls don’t have much of, but I’m hoping some babysitting in their teen years will teach them some of that.
Four kids close in age is hard, but so is one kid. Kids are hard and parenting is hard. Dealing with people is always hard. Parenting has shown me what a selfish person I am (marriage has done this too) and made me realize I can’t do anything apart from Jesus Christ. Me alone… I’m a bad mom. It’s only through grace and Christ’s constant molding and shaping of my heart that changes my heart and parenting, all the good is Christ in me. It’s not an easy gig for sure, and it reveals so much of my inadequacies, but it leaves me at the foot of the cross in awe of what Jesus did for me. I realize how much I need Jesus and how much I want my girls to see their need for a Savior. Jesus was perfect in my place and that’s where I trust every morning when I wake up and go about my business of discipling these girls hearts (and fail at that job too). They know I’m not perfect, and there’s a lot of “Do you forgive me?” throughout the day, but they know I trust in the One who is, and He died to give me life. I hope that will urge them to trust in Christ quickly, completely, and compellingly too.