life and feelings

October 24, 2014

homehomehomeAfter sharing about my feelings of anxiety in this post, my emotions stayed jumbled up for a bit. I struggled that weekend and everything felt tense and tight. On Sunday afternoon, that can’t-breathe-feeling came back, and I found myself in bed crying. Ben came and just hugged me as I cried, and asked me what was wrong, but I didn’t have a reason. I thought it was so weird, but after a good hour of crying, I felt a little better. By midweek, I was feeling more like myself, but lately, I still find that I get anxious much more easily than before.

Ben’s been sweet throughout it and we call it my little “breakdown.” Besides praying more, I’ve been reading this book (and other books) rather than using Netflix and Hulu to numb myself in the evenings. I’ve limited myself to my two favorite shows, but I think that small change has helped me re-focus. I realized I had so much pride trying to do things on my own, and dang, I was failing at it. My heart and mind needed to be reminded that to glorify God is to enjoy God. I was just going through the daily motions of everything, and totally neglecting Him and breathing God ignoring air. I’ve been learning to see more glimpses of grace throughout the day, and I try to remember to smile when I do.

Thank you for taking the time to be interested in the craft and pretty stuff I share, but most importantly, the heart stuff too. This week was another busy one, but the girls are such troopers and we wham bam and got things done. *fist bump* Now, we’re ready for the weekend!


16 comments on “life and feelings”

  • teresa says:

    i appreciate your candor so much. i have struggled with this too. your first post was a wake-up call for me. we have a 4 month old (our first) and i realized that it was easy to use my son as an excuse for neglecting other parts of my life, ie spirituality. i love your blog. thanks for your honesty and for sharing your life with us.

  • nina says:

    thanks for sharing, it’s inspiring me to reflect and think about important things as well. (just like the blog of your sister!)

  • anna says:

    i’ve been struggling a lot with anxiety and fear too lately. I appreciate you sharing your heart so openly. i’m going to give that book a go – i know that refocussing on the One who really matters will help.

  • Laura says:

    As someone who is currently ill because of anxiety (eating anything=horrendous nausea), it really, really helps hearing that I’m not the only one who struggles. Our brains are complicated, amazing systems and when they get off-kilter, they do so in all kinds of unpredictable ways. I’m so glad you’re getting back on an even keel <3

  • Katie says:

    yeah I suffered from that early in the just hit me and with full force. the anxiety was just terrible. i had these crazy fears of going crazy and just not being able to be a mother. i felt so overwhelmed to the point where i thought i was going to have a breakdown. then a few months later i decided to homeschool, which scared me. once you have anxiety, even though you may feel better, i think that fear of it returning is always there. now that i am homeschooling as well, i have so much more on my plate, that i fear my anxiety returning every time i get stressed at the girls or feel less than enthusiastic about homeschooling. its such a terrible feeling, especially when you have so many people depending on you.
    what helped for me was to start seeing a therapist, taking more time for myself, and kind of just talking down to or belittling the feeling. not being in denial, but just becoming aware of the fact that anxiety is not real, nothing has changed in my current situation, and one day at a time is all i need to worry about.

    I hope that helps, and i hope you feel better. having so much responsibility and things on your plate could overwhelm us all!

  • Frédérique says:

    I completely understand how you feel. I hope you know it is a completely normal part of life experienced by all at one point or the other. You will feel better soon. Have you thought about meditating? You did so well with hypnobirthing, I think it may help you. I know it helps me a lot! Just a few minutes a day makes a world of difference! Sending lots of ♥ your way. Frédérique

  • MK Archer says:

    Have you had your thyroid levels checked? Sometimes these symptoms can have a physical cause. I thought I was going bonkers until I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s which is a thyroid disease. Take care of yourself.

  • Sarah says:

    I’ve been there. My heart is with you. Ann Voskamp’s “One Thousand Gifts” helped me focus on praising God for His gifts — because even on the darkest days, they can be seen. Also, ” to glorify God is to enjoy God.” Good stuff.

  • Thank you for the honesty! I’ve been struggling with… perhaps not anxiety, really, but not quite knowing what to do with myself in this new life as a mom; it’s been hard figuring out how to balance the blogger with the mom with the wife with the housewife, and lately it’s been hitting me a lot more than usual, and I feel a bit lost. I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one out there feeling the struggles of motherhood(and life in general!) I’ll be praying for you, and checking your blog often to hear how you’re doing!

  • marine says:

    You are going to get better, BELIEVE! Have a nice week end lady…

  • anoushka says:

    what you described is what i’ve struggled with for so many years and has only been alleviated by medication recently. so i am glad that your faith helps you!! you seem like such a strong person so continue to remember to take care of yourself! xxx

  • Danica says:

    Praying for you ruby! Stay humbled in prayer and I know you will have a wonderful weekend with the fam. xx

  • Jacki says:

    I have been reading this blog forever! I never commented, but perhaps once. I love all you do, and appreciate you taking the time to focus on your own heart. It’s wonderful, and anxiety is something so many of us are dealing with in our times of parenting. Be well as you soak up the Lord more and try to place some things off to the side…..

  • Crys says:

    <3 your honesty, You are a beautiful person, inside and out and I know how you feel. Prayers for you.

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